A Baby Boy in Alabama

On January 31, 2013 I received a call from my adoption consultant, C. I had received many calls like this one since becoming a client of Faithful Adoption Consultants in November of 2012. She was calling to tell me about a potential adoption situation and I would go through the same process I went through each time I got a call like that. She would tell me the details, I would labor over it in prayer, give my answer as to whether or not I would present my profile. If I presented then I would wait the agonizing days to hear if the birth mother chose me or another family.

This time seemed different though. From the moment my consultant told me about this baby I knew something was different. My phone rang and C greeted me kindly as she always does with a super sweet and chipper voice saying she had a few situations that she wanted to tell me about. She told me about 2 other situations that I might get the opportunity to present on, running down the details like the due date, the gender, the location, and the basics of the situation. Then she said, “And there’s this little boy being born in AL that you may get the chance to present on.”  As soon as she mentioned him my heart fluttered.

Every time I heard of a baby that needed a family my heart strings were tugged. Since November, when I first showed my profile, I fell in love with each baby I heard about. It’s hard not to start dreaming about them as soon as you hear a few details.

As C told me about the other situations my heart was full but when I heard of this baby boy in Alabama it just felt different. I told myself that it probably wasn’t anything and that I just needed to hand it over the Lord so I didn’t get attached to an idea or a baby that wasn’t meant to be mine.

C explained that there was another family that would most likely present on this little boy in Alabama and because of certain reasons they would have first priority to present. She told me to pray about it because if this family decided not to present she would call me the next day and would have to know our decision immediately as to whether I wanted to present or not.

The next day I went about my day the way I normally do. I thought about and prayed for the little boy in Alabama throughout my day but tried not to think about it too much. After work that day I went to our local homeless shelter with a few students that are involved in campus ministries to fix dinner for the residents and spend some time getting to know the people there.  After several great conversations and a really fun night at the shelter I went back to my car ready to drive home.  I picked up my phone to check it and I had a voice-mail from C.

She was telling me about another situation that I would have an opportunity to present on and I was to pray about it and tell her the next day.  I began praying but my heart was drawn back to the baby boy in Alabama. I hadn’t heard yet about the status of that situation but I couldn’t get him off my mind. 

 Within a few minutes of arriving home C called. She informed me that the other couple decided not to present their profile on the baby boy in Alabama and then she explained that my profile would be the only one being shown to this birth mother. So unless the birth mother saw something that she didn’t like or wasn’t her preference this little baby boy would be mine.

I stood in shock for a few minutes. On all the other situations I presented on I was one of at least 3 other families presenting so there was always an element of anxiety waiting to hear what the birth mother decided. But on this baby boy in Alabama, this baby boy that I couldn’t get off my mind, that I kept dreaming about, praying about, handing back over to the Lord, I was it. I was the only profile the birth mom would see.

After a few hours C called and asked for my decision. I said YES, I would like to present. She explained the process from here and said that she would call me tomorrow with the birth mother's decision. She said she didn’t expect it to be anything but a yes but she explained that there was still a chance that she may not choose me.

So, I waited. Something I had grown quite accustomed to.

Match-Maker, Match-Maker, Make me a Match

February 2 was a long day. I woke up and spent a few hours in prayer about this baby boy in Alabama. I prayed for his precious birth mother and for all those involved.

I went to work praying desperately for the Father to help me stay present to the students in which I minister to and to keep my mind fixed on Him. At the end of the work day I headed to a neighboring town for an appointment.

I was in meetings all day, but finally heard from C. She explained that the birth mother looked at the profile and said, “It's perfect. It's exactly what I’m looking for.”  Music to adoptive parents’ ears.

So on February 2 I was MATCHED with that baby boy in Alabama due to be born February 12. I knew there was some reason I couldn’t get him off my mind. It was because he was to become my son.

Now the fun and madness began. Most people have 9 months to prepare for a baby. I had 10 days.  It’s amazing what you can do in 10 days.  

The Ten Day Wait

The next 10 days were filled with prayer, preparation, and praise.  I transformed a spare bedroom into a nursery literally overnight.  I began stocking up on bottles, diapers, wipes, blankets, bibs, cute little outfits, etc. I was so blessed to have so many people handing down baby gear so that my little guy would have what he needed when welcomed into my family.

I spent many hours of those 10 days in prayer for this baby boy in Alabama. I also spent our time continuing to raise funds. The day I got the call that I had matched I had exactly half of that estimated goal.

God did a miraculous work in my heart. On a normal day under normal circumstances I would have freaked out that I needed to raise $15,000 in the matter of 10 days. That sounds impossible doesn’t it?  However, by the grace of God alone, I was incredibly calm. I kept reminding myself of all the ways God had provided so far and I chose to trust that He would continue to do so.

The day after matching I received a letter in the mail informing me that I had received a grant that I applied for back in October when I first started the fundraising process. I took this as God’s reminder to me that He was in control. C, our adoption consultant, always says, “He funds what he favors.”  I was watching that happen.

In the matter of 10 days God provided every single dollar that was still needed, right down to the last penny.  I was shocked, amazed, overwhelmed, and in awe of our mighty big God. I prayed and He provided through so many people and so many avenues. People I have never even met donated to the fund, bought t-shirts, etc. It was incredible. To God be all the glory. I stood by and watched Him work. I prayed in confidence that He would provide and, as His word says, when we ask according to His will He will answer. And that is exactly what He did. 

The Body of Christ in Action

My son's story wouldn’t be complete without sharing about the amazing support I received from our family, friends, church family, co-workers, our whole community, and some people I have never met. He may be the most prayed for, anticipated child I know.

I hope and pray he knows just how loved he is now and will never forget it when he grows older. My life has been touched by so many that rallied around as I waited to be matched, got ready for my son, traveled to get him, and returned home. I am simply overwhelmed. Every time I think about it I feel so undeserving but so very grateful.

I have to first start with the support of my church family. They have such a heart for adoption and following God’s command to take care of the orphans and widows. I have never seen a church with such drive to carry out that mandate. They made that very clear as they helped significantly financially and in every other way possible. I could never say thank you enough.

A couple that are great friends of mine in my church family took it upon themselves to plan and coordinate a benefit concert in our honor. They invited Contemporary Christian artist, Andrew Peterson, to perform. They worked hard to acquire sponsors for the event so that all ticket sales would go to the adoption fund. They spent many hours working on every detail from the location, parking, to publicity. I simply had to show up and tell my story. What an incredible blessing.

The night of the concert will forever be a sweet memory for me. People from all parts of my life came out to be a support. Old high-school and college friends, co-workers, church family, family, community members, students I work with, and people I have never met but were so blessed to worship with.

As I stood on stage sharing my story, really His story, of this journey to adoption and the great news that I was expecting my little guy any day now I was overwhelmed. I scanned the room and saw the face of former students I worked with, my boss and his family,  co-workers, most of our church family, my neighbor and her daughter, close friends who I hold dear, strangers that I prayed our story would impact. I could barely keep it together.

I were so touched and so blessed. All these people were here to number one, worship God, and number two support us, support Ben, support adoption. It was incredible. Simply beautiful. That dimly lit room filled with so many precious people will be a picture that does not soon leave my mind. I wish I had words to express how much the body of Christ meant to us in that moment. I was not only overwhelmed at the outpouring of love for my family but at the passion and drive surrounding adoption and orphan care.

Everyone was so eager to give, to help, to learn more. My prayer through this whole process has been that God would be glorified and that He would place a passion to care for orphans in the hearts of my community, friends, and family. It seems He is doing just that and we are blessed to be a very small part of it.
There are so many more people that I would love to thank individually but it would take pages to do so.

I am putting a puzzle in the baby’s room that has Jeremiah 29:11 on the front and the name of every single person that donated in some way from time, to items, to talent, to finances on the back. I have over 500 names to write on the back of that puzzle. Over 500 people helped bring my son home in some capacity. That number does not even include those who were silent prayer warriors. If I knew all of their names I would reserve special pieces of the puzzle for them too. Over 500 people helped answer the mandate of James 1:27. I pray this baby boy knows just how loved he is and how many people took time to be a part of his life.

A side shot of the community members that came out to suppor.

A sweet friend who raffled off a free photo shoot from her photography business to help raise money

On the Road

At first when I heard that I had 10 days to get ready for a baby boy I thought there would be no way we would be ready that soon. Looking back, I am so very thankful we only had 10 days. God knows exactly what we need. I tend to be a very anxious, over planned, high strung kind of gal. If I had 9 months to get ready for this little fella I would have worried about every little detail. I would have studied every bottle system, every formula, every everything you could possible need. I would have cleaned my house from top to bottom making sure no germs were left and not a speck of dust could be seen. I would have read every parenting book known to man and have already mapped out the perfect plan for parenting.

But, instead, I had 10 days. Just enough time to do what had to be done and leave the rest to my Heavenly Father who was providing every step of the way. I am so thankful He knows me so well.

Toward the end of that 10 day wait, which felt more like 10 years, I got a call explaining that if baby boy’s birth mother had not delivered by his due date that she would be induced on Valentine’s Day. Baby boy would be here by the 14^th if not sooner.

So I made plans to travel on the 12^th, his due date. I traveled half way to the destination and spent the night. I would normally be up all night in anticipation and planning, but the Lord allowed me to sleep a deeper and more peaceful sleep than I ever remember sleeping. I know this was His provision as He was preparing me for many sleepless nights ahead.

That was the first of many “little” ways God provided and had His hand on every detail of this little boy’s arrival. From sleep, to funds, to hospitality God had it covered.

February 13, 2013

I woke up that morning in the hotel half way from baby boy’s city. I planned to head down and stay with a friend of mine from college as she lived just 20 minutes from the hospital. God provided that connection as well. We had not spoken or kept in touch since college and when a mutual friend found out that we were going to be in her town she reconnected us. My friend, B was such a great host. She was so kind and so generous. It was a huge blessing to be able to stay in a beautiful, cozy home. And it was a huge blessing to be able to reconnect and catch up with this sweet friend. Just another way God provided and showed us he was in control of every detail.

So, on the way to B’s house I got a call that baby boy’s birth mother, T, was having contractions and had been admitted to the hospital.  So, I rerouted the GPS and headed straight to the hospital. Being new to the whole adoption world, I bombarded my social worker with a thousand questions about the process from here and how to handle myself in the hospital.

I was informed that T had decided not to meet me. She had originally said she did want to meet and then changed her mind. I have to admit I was both sad and relieved that she no longer wanted to meet. I did desperately desire to see her and thank her and speak into her life even for a brief moment, but I will admit that was scary to me. So I simultaneously breathed a sigh of relief and disappointment.

On the last few hour stretch before arriving at the hospital I was in constant correspondence with the social worker and consultant. I got a call saying that T has changed her mind again and decided that she did want to meet. So I was instructed to go to the hospital and walk back to her delivery room. 

I stopped to get her some flowers, forgetting that it was the day before Valentine’s Day, so everywhere I went was a mad house of people buying flowers. I picked out some beautiful peach roses and headed on my way. I got to the hospital and stopped at the desk in labor and delivery. I asked to go back to T’s room.  They told me the number and pointed me in her direction.

I was instructed to “just walk in and introduce myself.”  On the outside I held it together thinking I can do this, you prayed for this opportunity, you are going to get to tell your son about this amazing moment one day. But on the inside my thoughts were everywhere, Just walk in and introduce myself? What do you say to the woman who is giving you her biological son? “Umm….thanks.”  That didn’t seem right or enough. "Will she recognize me from the profile? Won’t this be awkward? I mean the lady is in labor. Will she like me? Will she be shy? Will she talk? Talk…what do we talk about?  Enjoying this weather?  No that’s no good.  How about those Bears? No I don’t even know who the Bears are or what sport they play? So what’s your favorite color? Definitely not. How are you feeling? Hmm she’s in labor, I’m guessing not great." Nothing seemed quite right.

I was envisioning myself walking in and saying all the wrong things and goofing it all up.  I stopped outside her room to pray. I praised God for this amazing opportunity, prayed that the Holy Spirit would calm my heart and give me the words to say, and that Christ’s love would shine brightly through me and my love for her and this baby boy.

I stood there for a moment and then opened the door slowly. I walked in and there she was. She was absolutely beautiful. I had seen a picture but it didn’t do her justice. I could already tell she was sweet. She had such a kind face and very inviting eyes.  I leaned in and asked, “T?”

With a sweet voice she said, “Yeah come on in and have a seat.” She definitely possessed the southern hospitality you always hear about, even in the midst of labor.

The first things I noticed as I entered her hospital room were her beautiful eyes and the sound of my son’s heartbeat on the monitor. I was instructed to keep the conversation light this time because there would be time later to talk about the “heavy” stuff. I held back tears as I heard his little heart beating. I was in the room with my son. Granted he was still in the womb, but he was here. He was within a few feet of me. I could hear him and it was the most precious sound I have ever heard. I may have missed the ultrasounds along the way but that moment made up for it all.

I sat down and began chatting. It was as if I was reconnecting with an old friend. We talked about everything from sports to food to this precious baby boy that was about to make his arrival. She asked me all kinds of questions and I asked her several as well. I felt like I already knew her well. I think we would be great friends in a different scenario, different time in life. We had a lot in common.

We kept chatting and we laughed a lot. I looked at the clock and 2 hours had passed. Wow!!! Just moments ago when I stood on the other side of the door I thought I will probably chat with her for about 20 minutes and then wait outside in the waiting room for delivery. I never would have guessed we would have chatted for 2 whole hours. Wow, God provided again. He answered yet another prayer.

Toward the end of our 2 hour chat T looked over at me and said, “I want you to be in the delivery room when he is born if you want to be.”   I said, “Of course I would love to be here if you would like that.”  She said she would like that and then she uttered the most precious words I have ever heard, “You might even have to hold my hand.” 

I held back tears because I didn’t want to get everyone all emotional, not yet. I told her I would be honored to hold her hand and be a part of this moment. How many adopting families get to say they held the hand of their child’s birth mother? I felt incredibly blessed. Nervous, but blessed.

There was a bit of a lull in the conversation and T started to look like she was in a bit of pain. She has just gotten and epidural before I arrived and said she was feeling great after that. She started expressing that she was feeling a lot of pain so I called the nurse to come check on her.

The nurse walked in and checked her. She said, “No wonder you are feeling some pain, you have a baby sitting right here. He is ready to go. Let’s start pushing. I’ll call the doctor but baby may be here before he gets here.” 

Both T and I were a little shocked. I think we both thought it would take a lot longer. So, this was my first experience in the delivery room. I knew I was coming to welcome my son but I didn’t expect to be a labor coach as well.  As all the nurses gathered around her and the doctor finally arrived I held T’s hand. They were telling, well yelling, at her to push. She squeezed my hand and pushed as hard as she could. I kept telling her she was doing a great job and that it wouldn’t be much longer. T pushed about 3 times and baby boy was here!!!!!

I thought hearing his heartbeat on the monitor was the most precious sound I could ever hear but my son’s first cries changed my life forever. In that moment I wanted to scoop him up and never let him go. I wanted to tell him everything was going to be okay and that mommy was here and that she loved him more than she could ever tell him. But, there was someone else in the room that needed my attention too.  As the nurses were cleaning, weighing, and getting baby boy ready I had one eye on T and one eye on this little miracle.

In all the times that I thought about this moment I guess I failed to think about how much my heart would break for this beautiful young woman that was making one of the most selfless choices a woman could ever make. As much as I wanted to run to my son’s side I had to stay with T for just a moment. This woman chose life. This woman chose me. She chose me to be her son’s mother. She was loving enough to choose life. She was wise enough to choose adoption. She was brave enough to let go.  And now she was here, next to me, still feeling the pain of labor and hearing the sounds of a baby boy she would never hold or cuddle, or rock to sleep, or watch take his first step, or hear his first word.

My heart has never been so full of so many different emotions at the same time. I wanted to scoop her up in my arms too. I wanted to tell her that I love her and that it was going to be okay. I wanted to take her home with me too and help her have a better life.

Things were happening really fast after baby boy arrived and T had requested that baby be taken out of the room as soon as he was born. She knew it would make her choose easier if she didn’t see him or hold him after delivery. The nurses were handing my son to me and telling me all of his stats.

He was 6 pounds and 1 ounce, 19.5 inches long. They kept congratulating me and telling me how perfect he was.  I stood in awe of this little miracle in my arms. He was bundled so tightly in the hospital blankets you could barely see his beautiful, perfect little face. I always thought I would burst into tears at this moment, uncontrollable joy. But, my heart was so full I think my body didn’t know how to respond. I stood there gazing into his eyes, soothing his cries, and realizing I was a mother.

Before they whisked me away to a room across the hall, I walked back to T. I squeezed her hand and said, “You were amazing! You are my hero!”  I told her that I would check on her later that night and that I hoped she got some great rest after all that work.

Leaving her room felt strange. My heart broke for her. What would she feel like when she saw the door shutting behind me? That was the last moment she would hear or see this baby boy. Had she held back her tears? Would this be the hardest few hours of her life? Was she going to regret her decision? Was she going to change her mind? Did she have anyone to go home to for love and support?

I prayed for God to comfort her heart and to hold her tight as I walked across the hall to hold my baby boy tight. I knew only God could do the kind of healing that was ahead in her life.

My first view of his sweet little face

He is Here!!! 

I couldn't stop kissing him

Look at that sweet little smile

He's Here!!

My arms were the first that held him. My heart was ready to bust. I had waited for this moment for a long time. I have always wanted to be a mommy. I remember toting around my cabbage patch dolls telling my mother that I wanted 10 kids. To nurture the way a mother is designed to nurture just seemed like it was welling up inside of me. Almost as if I didn’t have a child to nurture soon I would just die. So, there he was. My very own cabbage patch doll. Except I got to name this one.

I named that baby boy from Alabama, Benjamin David. In my conversation with T she said she wanted me to name him. I already had a few names picked out, but Benjamin was my favorite. When I held him I knew he was a Benjamin. Benjamin means wanted or favored son and David, his middle name, means God's beloved.  His name holds great meaning. He is a very loved, very wanted little man and a very special member of the family.

I spent the next few moments in amazement. The last few hours has seemed like a whirlwind. I kept asking myself, “Is he really here?” “Is he really mine?” “Did that just happen?” I spent a few hours in that little room holding my son. Gazing into the most beautiful brown eyes I had ever seen. Ben was so alert the first few hours of his life. He was wide eyed and looking all around, trying to figure out what was going on.

I spent those few hours singing to him, praying over him, reading Scripture to him, and praising God for this miracle, this gift. He was perfect. His eyes were beaming, his nose was so cute, his lips were adorable, his tiny little face was too cute for words, his dark black hair was beautiful, his skin tone was absolutely gorgeous, his little sounds were too precious for this momma’s heart to handle, everything about him was amazing. I could have stared at him for hours. I could have held him in my arms and never let him go.

I thought back to a few short days ago when I first heard of the little baby boy in Alabama. Now I was holding that baby boy. I was staring into his eyes and singing praise over him. He was here and he was mine. Be still my heart.

I was assisted by a wonderful nurse, G. She was incredible. She whisked me out of the delivery room across the hall to a private room with the biggest smile on her face. When the door was shut behind us she said she had no idea I was the adoptive parents until right after the birth. I assumed she knew, I assumed the whole staff knew, but apparently I was a surprise to them. Nonetheless, they were incredible. Everyone treated me with such kindness and hospitality.

G went over his stats with me and the process from here. She got a private room set up at the hospital to stay in for the next few days and made sure I had a band on my arm that gave me access to the nursery. Around my arm was a hospital band with Ben’s birth mother’s name on it and the number that identified him. I was wearing her name. We were his mothers. We played different roles and will always play different roles but I felt honored to share that responsibility with her and wear her name.

After G went over some information she just stared at me. I looked up to see a twinkle in her eye and she said, “Now I’m just being nosey.  What agency did you use?” I began telling some of Ben’s story and she said, “I have been dealing with fertility issues for many years and my husband and I just started and adoption process.”  I was blown away. I have been so blessed how God has brought people across my path that have dealt with the pain of infertility or have been considering the miracle of adoption.  And here was another precious lady in the same spot right in the hospital, moments after he was born. I was able to encourage her and she said seeing a successful adoption gave her more hope.

God has already used Ben in some pretty incredible ways. It would take me days to write out all the accounts of people who have told me that they have considered adoption, dealt with infertility, etc. We have been amazed at how this little guy has already touched so many lives. God has great plans for him and I am blessed to by his mommy. What a high calling. What an honor. What a blessing. 

Now We Wait Some More

The nurses took Ben to the nursery to give him his first few shots and look him over. I was right behind them but I had to stand outside the nursery window at first. I watched through the blinds at every move he made. I was still in awe and my arms ached to hold him again even though it had only been a few minutes since he was with me.

After the shots and initial care I was able to come in with him. They checked my band and ushered me in. All the nurses were so accepting of the adoption situation and kept congratulating me and telling me how wonderful they thought it was.

I was able to help give Ben his first bath and first bottle. It was incredible. My first act as a parent. I spent the night  holding him. Not because he couldn’t sleep but because I couldn’t put him down. He was too amazing. It was too wonderful to hold him and look at his sweet face. I was exhausted the next day but it was worth every second. We were together. We were a family.

All the while I never stopped thinking about T. We were on the floor above her and I kept wondering what she must be feeling and thinking. Our social worker was the go between so I text her and asked how T was doing. She said she was doing well recovering from labor but she was hungry.

In our two hour conversation that we had before Ben’s big arrival T had mentioned that McDonalds chicken nuggets and French fries were her favorite. So, there was a trip to McDonalds to buy her a feast of her favorites. I took it to her room and snuck in while she was sleeping. The nurse said she would make sure she got it.

As I walked down the hall to get back to Ben my heart was halfway in her room and halfway with my son. I love them both so much. They are both very special.

My sweet little baby

The next day I spent my time oohing and awing over this precious miracle I called Ben. I watched him do a lot of firsts and  learned a lot of new parent information from the nurses. I was becoming a pro at diapers and swaddling. My first few attempts were a little pitiful. The nurses laughed and assured me that it took a little practice.

Ben was a day old on Valentine’s Day so I got to spend my day with this handsome little boy that I loved very much. It was a peaceful day. I didn’t have to worry about anything but Ben. No chores, no jobs, nothing but this little baby. I met with the lawyers to go over some paperwork and protocol from this point forward. He informed me that T had signed her rights over at 10:46 a.m. that morning which meant that I had power of attorney at this point over Ben.

Later that day I went to the hospital gift shop to buy T some Valentines balloons and candy. She had told me about her favorite candy bars so I got a handful for her. I brought the balloons and candy to her room and sat with her for awhile. We just chatted like old friends and she was very touched by the Valentines gift.  All the other doors on the maternity hall had big congratulation signs or big blue or pink ribbons but T’s door was bare. All the other mothers who had just given birth were being showered with visitors, cards, and flowers. But T was all by herself and no one was sending flowers. I had to make sure she felt special too so Valentine gifts were the perfect way to do so.

As soon as we were matched, just 11 short days ago, our consultant, C, told us that it is etiquette to get the birth mother a gift. I began thinking. What do you get for the woman who is giving you her child?  Nothing seemed quite good enough. I decided on a basket full of lotions, soaps, and all the pampering essentials. I also gave her a copy of my favorite devotional, Jesus Calling. I wanted her to know the love of Christ but I knew that I only had a few days to build a relationship so I wanted to give her something that would offer continual encouragement.  I also gave her a heart shaped diamond necklace that says, "Mom." I wrote her a long letter telling her how grateful I was for her and how she was the bravest, strongest, most selfless person I knew. I also explained that I too had a necklace just like the one I gave her. I told her that I know that Ben would always be in her heart and I wanted her to know that she would always be in his too, and ours. I told her that anytime I wore my necklace I would think of her and pray for her and that I hoped she did the same when she wore hers. She said she loved the gift and that it was the nicest thing anyone had ever given her.

I didn't want to put him down

The rest of the day I spent admiring my little guy. I stared at his beautiful brown eyes, little baby hands, precious feet, cute little nose, and sweet little lips. I sang songs, I read books, and I read passages of Scripture to him as he fell asleep. Those few days in the hospital will be the most precious memories I will treasure forever. I felt like I was in heaven. It was a beautiful dream come true. It all felt so surreal. Could this beautiful little creation really be mine? Did the last 11 days really happen? Did I answer a call about a baby boy in Alabama? Did I present my profile? Did she say yes? Did I  just watch my son being born? I just couldn’t believe it yet I wanted to soak in every single second. I didn’t want to miss anything. So, I barely slept so I didn’t have too. Maybe not the wisest of choices as a new mom but I don’t regret the fatigue that followed. I will cherish the moments of lost sleep that were spent staring at my little boy as he slept, becoming familiar with his coos and sweet little sounds. He was here and he was mine.

The 5 Day Wait

When I first heard of the little boy in Alabama my consultant told me that this situation was a little different than most that our referral service usually dealt with. Most of the states they work with have a short revocation period, no more than 72 hours. The revocation period is the time in which the birth mother can change her mind and reclaim the child after she has signed away her rights. FAC doesn’t normally work with the state of Alabama because they have a much longer revocation period, 5 days to be exact.

When I first heard that it made us nervous but not so nervous to deter us from presenting the profile. Now that I was living the 5 day wait my nerves were heightened. T signed on Valentine’s Day at 10:46. That meant that she had until Tuesday February 24 to change her mind and reclaim my little boy.

My prayer life has been greatly strengthened over the last year and a half as  I have lost a child to a miscarriage, struggled to conceive, moved forward in the adoption process, sought wisdom on prospective adoption situations, and now starting a life with this little guy. However, I don’t think I ever prayed as hard as I did in those 5 days. I prayed for peace more than I did for my desired outcome. I have learned that God knows what is best and can bring beauty from ashes so, of course, I asked for God to help T remain steadfast in her decision but I prayed mostly for my heart to be stilled and my thoughts to remain on Him.

It was a miracle. I really didn’t worry that much. Occasionally I would think there would be no way I could handle it if she changed her mind. I would look at the clock and mentally count the days and hours that remained of the revocation period. But overall my heart was at peace. God answered yet another prayer.


During that 5 day wait, while I was still at the hospital, our social worker informed me that T had decided she did want to meet Ben after all. I will admit that my heart skipped a beat when I received that news but everyone assured me that was very normal for birth mothers to desire a moment of closure. So, after praying, I wheeled my little bundle down to T’s room. The social worker escorted me in but then stepped outside so we could have a few minutes with T. I lifted Ben out of his bassinet and handed him to T.

That may have been the scariest moment of my life. To hand back the little baby boy that I had spent the last day staring at in amazement, rejoicing over, in awe of. To lean over and place him into his birth mother’s arms was a very difficult thing to do. I was praying all the while for peace and for God’s sovereignty over Ben and T’s life.

She took him from my arms and unswaddled him. He was sleeping soundly so I don’t think he noticed. She counted his little fingers and his little toes and looked him over. She held him close for a few minutes staring at him. I stood to the side trying to give her privacy but also keeping an eye on her every move. I know this was her child but he was mine too. My protective mother bear instincts didn’t take long to kick in.

After a few minutes she swaddled him back up and handed him back to me. She said, “I just needed to know that he was okay.”  My heart melted for her again. I was glad to have my baby back in my arms but to hear the concern and pain in her voice hurt. I wanted to help her. I wanted to say it’s going to be okay. My degree in pastoral counseling was on overdrive. I wanted to talk about the process of grieving and how this moment of closure will be so helpful in her process. I wanted to give her tools she needed to cope with the pain she was feeling. But I knew that was not my place. I was only to pray for her and love her. 

I wheeled Ben back to our room and breathed a sigh of relief. I spent the evening cuddling him again. He may have spent a total of 20 minutes in his bassinet the first 2 days of his life. He was too amazing to let go of. I just wanted to hold him close to my heart every second I could.

Discharged

The next day, February 15, we were being discharged. Ben checked out great on all his tests and everything was looking great.  I was gathering his things and packing up in anticipation of going “home.” We were going to a temporary home. The home of a sweet friend from college that was kind enough to extend her house to us for a few days while we waited for the revocation period to end.

The nurses on our floor had come in several times over the past few days to check my vitals. Every time a shift change happened I got to tell Ben’s story again. I would explain that I  wasnt the patient and that I was adopting this precious baby. Each nurse that I told was overwhelmed with excitement and was so supportive. They encouraged me and asked all kinds of questions. I could not have asked for better reception and service at the hospital. They were phenomenal. Another answered prayer. God is in control of the details. I believe that more now than I ever have before.

As we were getting ready the social worker told us that T wanted another visit with Ben and would like to get a few pictures. I had planned to visit her one more time before we were all released. So, I prayed again and held my breath. I wheeled him down to her room and handed him to her once again. She gazed at him lovingly and we took several pictures for her. Then we got some pictures with her too so Ben has a sweet memento of his birth mother later in life.

After the pictures she handed Ben back to me and we talked for a few minutes saying our goodbyes. I kept hugging her and telling her how much I loved her and how we would continue to think of her and pray for her. Then we gathered around Ben and prayed together. After we said, “Amen.” T looked at me and said, “All I ask is that you love him.” I promised her that I would love him with all of my hearts and do my very best as a parent. She smiled, a little teary eyed, and said, “I know I made a good choice. You are good people. I made the right choice.” 

I smiled back and said thank you and encouraged her again. I was holding back tears because I didn’t want to make that moment any harder on her than it already was. I gave her one more hug, told her that I loved her, and then I left. The moment the door closed behind us I let out those tears I had been holding back. I wondered if she was doing the same thing. The last image I had as I closed the door behind me was of T looking, with much love and much sorrow, at the pictures of our baby boy. She looked proud of him and, I think, proud of herself.

When we returned to our room I praised God again for the blessing of getting to know Ben’s birth mother. I desperately wanted to speak into her life, even if just for a few moments, and God answered that prayer.


I held Ben for hours and just waited on clearance to leave the hospital. I dressed him in his “going home” outfit that swallowed my 6 pound bundle whole.

I heard a knock on the door and it was a nurse with a wheel chair ready to take us to the car. I had to ride in the wheel chair even though I explained that I wasnt the patient. She said it was hospital policy and I thought I might as well get the whole experience. I’ve spent the last few days lying in a hospital bed with a hospital band around my wrist. I might as well ride out in style.

When the automatic doors opened and the car ready to put Ben in his car seat it started to become more real. We are leaving the hospital. No more nurses to call every time I have a question. No one to check on us to make sure we are okay and that baby is doing well. It was just us.

I put him in his car seat, shut the door, and I buckled in next to him. This was real.

How blessed we were. What an incredible few days has just transpired. The birth of my son, the building of a great relationship with T, the opportunity to tell Ben’s story and give God the glory multiple times. I was in awe of God’s power, provision, love, and grace. All I could do was thank Him, cry, and look into the beautiful brown eyes of my son. 

Hospitality, Lawyers, and Gotcha Day

We then drove a short 20 minute drive to a sweet friends’ house that was so kind to let us stay for a few days while we had to remain in the city in which Ben was born. She was out of town for the weekend so we were able to get settled into being a family of three in a beautiful, cozy home.

I was loving every minute. I purposefully tried to soak up every second of every day. I didn’t want to miss a thing. Our sweet friend returned after the weekend and we were greatly blessed to spend a day catching up with her. It was such a great re-connection and I am so thankful that God used Ben to bring us closer together. I will cherish those precious days in her home sitting on her couch, talking about college days, and passing Ben around.

We had to stay in the city for the 5 day duration of the revocation period (the time in which T could change her mind about her decision to place Ben in an adopting family.)  I didn’t dwell on it but every day at 10:46 I would mark the countdown. Just 4 more days, just 3 more days, just 2 more days…

When there was only one day left we traveled to a city a few hours away to be near the lawyers. I was supposed to sign a document that day that would start the ICPC paperwork process. ICPC stands for Interstate Compact of the Placement of Children. It is the paperwork that allows you to legally take an adopted child from his/her birth state into your home state. My consultant, C, told me that it could take anywhere from 10-14 days for the ICPC to process. This was the same news the lawyer gave. So, I was planning for a long stay. 

On the final day of the 5 day revocation period I watched the clock and counted down as if it were New Year’s Eve. I was feeding Ben. I stopped around 10:40 and just watched the clock. At 10:46 I celebrated. The wait was over.

I felt like the wait was over the day we matched with the baby boy in Alabama. I felt like the wait was over when the nurses placed my son in my hands. But, I really felt like the wait was over when I looked at the clock and it was 10:46 on Tuesday February 19, our Gotcha Day. He was ours!!!!

In the midst of our celebration and thanking God over and over I began thinking of T. I wonder if she too was looking at the clock and waiting for 10:46. I wonder if while we wear crying tears of joy and thanksgiving if she was crying tears of grief and pain. I prayed to thank God for his provision and protection. I also prayed that He would give T a peace and a comfort that can only come from Him. That she would know that she made the right decision and that she would be at peace with it and be able to celebrate today too. I pray that for her every day.

February 19, Ben’s Gotcha Day. I plan to celebrate both his birthday and Gotcha day in the years ahead. I want him to know just how happy his mommy was at 10:46 that day for the rest of his life. 

One Week Old

The day after Gotcha Day Ben was one week old. We celebrated with a quick trip to Starbucks. We needed to get out a little bit and we thought Ben would like for his mommy to celebrate with a cup of coffee.

 I had been texting and calling the pediatrician back home multiple times a day (obviously a new parent) and I made sure it was okay for me to bring Ben into a public place while he was so young. Starbucks was approved.

While there, all the patrons were oohing and awing over Ben. It was tons of fun showing him off.

It was also fun watching peoples’ reactions when they realized he was just a week old. Women were puzzled at how I had lost so much pregnancy weight so quickly. I was tempted to just let them think I had an amazing metabolism and ability to bounce back, but I didn’t want to miss an opportunity to tell Ben’s story which is really God’s story. My prayer throughout the adoption process was that God would be glorified and that people’s hearts would be turned toward adoption.

The next day I had to return to the lawyer’s office to sign one more piece of paperwork. When I walked into sign the secretary looked at our lawyer and said, “Do you want me to tell them or do you want to?”

I waited in anticipated while they decided who got to tell me the news. The secretary said, “We aren’t sure how this happened but your ICPC has already cleared. You are free to go home.”

They informed us that it was the fastest ICPC they had every processed in all their years working with adoption. I was thrilled and so thankful. I prayed that the paperwork would go smoothly and that we would be home within the 14 days. God answered above and beyond.

So the next day I checked out of the hotel. I was a bit reluctant to leave since it had been so nice just being with Ben. The hotel was cozy and I had nothing else to worry about but snuggling Ben. I didn’t have to do laundry or wash dishes. I didn’t have to worry about cleaning house or paying bills. It was just was. So, I was anxious to get home but hesitant to leave our little safe haven. I will cherish those days forever. They are sweet, sweet memories. But I was excited to get home and start making more memories. 

Welcome Home Ben

We headed home on Sunday February 24. I strapped Ben in his car seat for his last big ride for awhile. I was both anxious and excited to get home. I couldn’t wait to walk in the front door of my home with Ben in tow. I couldn’t wait to show Ben his room and welcome him to his new home.

The ride didn’t feel like the normal 5 hours it would usually take to get home. It seemed to go by quickly. I am an extremely sappy and sentimental person so the whole ride home I was playing songs like “Two Worlds, One Family” and “You’ll Be in My Heart” from Tarzan. 

As we got closer to Williamsburg I played Phillip Phillips “Home” for Ben. I want him to know that he is loved, safe, cared for, and that I will do all we can to make sure he feels at home.

I had made plans to stop off in a town about 20 minutes from our house where our pediatrician, who also happens to be a bi-vocational pastor at my church, lives. I wanted him to give Ben a good look over just to make sure he was okay. I would plan to set up an official doctor’s visit soon, but as a new parent I were a bit anxious to make sure he was healthy and doing what he should be doing.

I drove up their windy drive way and got Ben out of his car seat. He was ready to stretch a bit. I knocked on the door and when it opened the first thing I saw was a huge sign that said, “WELCOME HOME BEN” and many smiling faces of our church family. They threw Ben his first surprise party to welcome him home. As I have mentioned in earlier posts, my church family has been incredible. They have supported through love, encouragement, prayer, finances, and so many other ways. I don’t know how I would have made it through the adoption process without them. I was so blessed and I knew it more than ever in that moment.

We stayed for awhile and visited with church family. Many of them got to hold my sweet baby boy and look into his beautiful brown eyes. I was honored to tell his story over and over and answer any questions they had about his big arrival and the process so far.

After we visited for a bit our family gathered around us, as we held Ben, and we sang “Amazing Grace,” a song that has become one of Ben’s favorites. They then prayed a blessing over Ben and our family. It was a precious moment that I will not soon forget.

So, after a beautiful surprise homecoming party we were on our way to our house. As we pulled off the interstate onto our exit my eyes filled with tears. I had dreamed of this moment, prayed for this moment, and it was finally here. I was just minutes away from bringing my baby boy home. As we turned onto our street my heart was pounding. I found myself nervous. I wasn’t really sure why I was nervous except that all the excitement, anticipation, and emotion of the last few days was welling up inside of me. I had tried so hard while we were with T not to be emotional and I guess I had not let myself really experience all that I was feeling until that moment.

As we pulled into our driveway we were met with the most beautiful site. Our driveway was lined with candles as friends, family, more church family, students, neighbors, and more clapped and cheered yelling, “Welcome Home Ben!”

I knew I had been given a great deal of support throughout the adoption process, but in that moment my heart was so full. I wanted to talk to each person individually to tell them how much they meant to us and how much their presence there, in that precious moment, meant to me. I got out of the car and introduced my baby boy to his family, his community.

We were met with so many precious people that were saying kind and encouraging things to me and to Ben. I don’t know of any other baby that is so wanted, so loved, so prayed for, so anticipated, and so very much supported.

A sweet lady that I have been in Bible study with for a few years looked at me and said, “Our baby is home.” She then placed her hand on Ben and said, “A whole community has been waiting on you little guy. Welcome home.” 

Amazing. That is the only word I have to describe my life since January 31, the day I heard of the little baby boy in Alabama to February 24, the day we brought Benjamin David home, the day he was welcomed with open arms by a whole community who have been praying and waiting for him.

Baby Ben, you are loved. You are special. You are important. You are wanted. You are accepted. You are a gift. God has big plans for you buddy and I’m just blessed to be a part of it.

So, in the matter of 7 months my little boy was home. I filled out our first piece of paper work in August 2012 and returned home with Ben in February 2013. Things like that don’t happen without the sovereign hand of an Almighty God. $30,000 was raised in the matter of 5 months. Again, that doesn’t just happen. Every single step of the process was smooth from the initial home study to the ICPC. God is in the details. He funds what He favors. If he calls you to it He will equip you for it.

I always knew that adoption was part of my calling but I never imagined it would be this amazing.  I know God has called all of us to take care of the orphans and I think there is no better way than to bring a child into your home so that he/she doesn't have to be left as an orphan. I see it as a beautiful picture of what God has done for us. He adopted us into His family and promised that he wouldn't leave us as orphans. I simply want to share that same kind of love with Ben, and hopefully more children in the future. 

Bringing home my first child didn't look like I had always thought it would look. I am so glad God ruined my plans :)