The 5 Day Wait

When I first heard of the little boy in Alabama my consultant told me that this situation was a little different than most that our referral service usually dealt with. Most of the states they work with have a short revocation period, no more than 72 hours. The revocation period is the time in which the birth mother can change her mind and reclaim the child after she has signed away her rights. FAC doesn’t normally work with the state of Alabama because they have a much longer revocation period, 5 days to be exact.

When I first heard that it made us nervous but not so nervous to deter us from presenting the profile. Now that I was living the 5 day wait my nerves were heightened. T signed on Valentine’s Day at 10:46. That meant that she had until Tuesday February 24 to change her mind and reclaim my little boy.

My prayer life has been greatly strengthened over the last year and a half as  I have lost a child to a miscarriage, struggled to conceive, moved forward in the adoption process, sought wisdom on prospective adoption situations, and now starting a life with this little guy. However, I don’t think I ever prayed as hard as I did in those 5 days. I prayed for peace more than I did for my desired outcome. I have learned that God knows what is best and can bring beauty from ashes so, of course, I asked for God to help T remain steadfast in her decision but I prayed mostly for my heart to be stilled and my thoughts to remain on Him.

It was a miracle. I really didn’t worry that much. Occasionally I would think there would be no way I could handle it if she changed her mind. I would look at the clock and mentally count the days and hours that remained of the revocation period. But overall my heart was at peace. God answered yet another prayer.


During that 5 day wait, while I was still at the hospital, our social worker informed me that T had decided she did want to meet Ben after all. I will admit that my heart skipped a beat when I received that news but everyone assured me that was very normal for birth mothers to desire a moment of closure. So, after praying, I wheeled my little bundle down to T’s room. The social worker escorted me in but then stepped outside so we could have a few minutes with T. I lifted Ben out of his bassinet and handed him to T.

That may have been the scariest moment of my life. To hand back the little baby boy that I had spent the last day staring at in amazement, rejoicing over, in awe of. To lean over and place him into his birth mother’s arms was a very difficult thing to do. I was praying all the while for peace and for God’s sovereignty over Ben and T’s life.

She took him from my arms and unswaddled him. He was sleeping soundly so I don’t think he noticed. She counted his little fingers and his little toes and looked him over. She held him close for a few minutes staring at him. I stood to the side trying to give her privacy but also keeping an eye on her every move. I know this was her child but he was mine too. My protective mother bear instincts didn’t take long to kick in.

After a few minutes she swaddled him back up and handed him back to me. She said, “I just needed to know that he was okay.”  My heart melted for her again. I was glad to have my baby back in my arms but to hear the concern and pain in her voice hurt. I wanted to help her. I wanted to say it’s going to be okay. My degree in pastoral counseling was on overdrive. I wanted to talk about the process of grieving and how this moment of closure will be so helpful in her process. I wanted to give her tools she needed to cope with the pain she was feeling. But I knew that was not my place. I was only to pray for her and love her. 

I wheeled Ben back to our room and breathed a sigh of relief. I spent the evening cuddling him again. He may have spent a total of 20 minutes in his bassinet the first 2 days of his life. He was too amazing to let go of. I just wanted to hold him close to my heart every second I could.