Now We Wait Some More

The nurses took Ben to the nursery to give him his first few shots and look him over. I was right behind them but I had to stand outside the nursery window at first. I watched through the blinds at every move he made. I was still in awe and my arms ached to hold him again even though it had only been a few minutes since he was with me.

After the shots and initial care I was able to come in with him. They checked my band and ushered me in. All the nurses were so accepting of the adoption situation and kept congratulating me and telling me how wonderful they thought it was.

I was able to help give Ben his first bath and first bottle. It was incredible. My first act as a parent. I spent the night  holding him. Not because he couldn’t sleep but because I couldn’t put him down. He was too amazing. It was too wonderful to hold him and look at his sweet face. I was exhausted the next day but it was worth every second. We were together. We were a family.

All the while I never stopped thinking about T. We were on the floor above her and I kept wondering what she must be feeling and thinking. Our social worker was the go between so I text her and asked how T was doing. She said she was doing well recovering from labor but she was hungry.

In our two hour conversation that we had before Ben’s big arrival T had mentioned that McDonalds chicken nuggets and French fries were her favorite. So, there was a trip to McDonalds to buy her a feast of her favorites. I took it to her room and snuck in while she was sleeping. The nurse said she would make sure she got it.

As I walked down the hall to get back to Ben my heart was halfway in her room and halfway with my son. I love them both so much. They are both very special.

My sweet little baby

The next day I spent my time oohing and awing over this precious miracle I called Ben. I watched him do a lot of firsts and  learned a lot of new parent information from the nurses. I was becoming a pro at diapers and swaddling. My first few attempts were a little pitiful. The nurses laughed and assured me that it took a little practice.

Ben was a day old on Valentine’s Day so I got to spend my day with this handsome little boy that I loved very much. It was a peaceful day. I didn’t have to worry about anything but Ben. No chores, no jobs, nothing but this little baby. I met with the lawyers to go over some paperwork and protocol from this point forward. He informed me that T had signed her rights over at 10:46 a.m. that morning which meant that I had power of attorney at this point over Ben.

Later that day I went to the hospital gift shop to buy T some Valentines balloons and candy. She had told me about her favorite candy bars so I got a handful for her. I brought the balloons and candy to her room and sat with her for awhile. We just chatted like old friends and she was very touched by the Valentines gift.  All the other doors on the maternity hall had big congratulation signs or big blue or pink ribbons but T’s door was bare. All the other mothers who had just given birth were being showered with visitors, cards, and flowers. But T was all by herself and no one was sending flowers. I had to make sure she felt special too so Valentine gifts were the perfect way to do so.

As soon as we were matched, just 11 short days ago, our consultant, C, told us that it is etiquette to get the birth mother a gift. I began thinking. What do you get for the woman who is giving you her child?  Nothing seemed quite good enough. I decided on a basket full of lotions, soaps, and all the pampering essentials. I also gave her a copy of my favorite devotional, Jesus Calling. I wanted her to know the love of Christ but I knew that I only had a few days to build a relationship so I wanted to give her something that would offer continual encouragement.  I also gave her a heart shaped diamond necklace that says, "Mom." I wrote her a long letter telling her how grateful I was for her and how she was the bravest, strongest, most selfless person I knew. I also explained that I too had a necklace just like the one I gave her. I told her that I know that Ben would always be in her heart and I wanted her to know that she would always be in his too, and ours. I told her that anytime I wore my necklace I would think of her and pray for her and that I hoped she did the same when she wore hers. She said she loved the gift and that it was the nicest thing anyone had ever given her.

I didn't want to put him down

The rest of the day I spent admiring my little guy. I stared at his beautiful brown eyes, little baby hands, precious feet, cute little nose, and sweet little lips. I sang songs, I read books, and I read passages of Scripture to him as he fell asleep. Those few days in the hospital will be the most precious memories I will treasure forever. I felt like I was in heaven. It was a beautiful dream come true. It all felt so surreal. Could this beautiful little creation really be mine? Did the last 11 days really happen? Did I answer a call about a baby boy in Alabama? Did I present my profile? Did she say yes? Did I  just watch my son being born? I just couldn’t believe it yet I wanted to soak in every single second. I didn’t want to miss anything. So, I barely slept so I didn’t have too. Maybe not the wisest of choices as a new mom but I don’t regret the fatigue that followed. I will cherish the moments of lost sleep that were spent staring at my little boy as he slept, becoming familiar with his coos and sweet little sounds. He was here and he was mine.